This Is For YOU

I lost a lot of motivation over the past few months. Its so difficult living in a small house with so many people, I can't even think most of the time. Everyone always has something going on, big or small, and it never allows me enough work room to do the things I love. I've talked before about this, the same whiney ass excuses why I don't post more videos or update my store. I hate it, its not good for myself or anyone else who has any interest in what I do.
My biggest complaint, currently, is the fact that everything is this ugly façade, a hideous evil that has no substance. Its greed, always about the money and advertising.
One of my favorite youtubers incorporated an advertisement in her personal vlog the other day. I instantly got sick to my stomach! This is also why I love LeahMouse. She never wastes her time or anyone else's with a bunch of bullshit advertising. If you have to give up all your creativity in order to make a quick buck, that brings up the question "What kind of world are we living in?!"
I would gladly inform my peoples of things that I like, whether its the brand or a good deal, but I wouldn't go out of my way to throw my talent in the garbage to push anyone to buy anything for any reason!! (insert link to book in which I am affiliated) lol.
Why I am a low class American:
I was not born into money, but I was raised around hard work. I watched my grandpa deconstruct and rebuild things beyond today's technology. My mom has always been a DIY woman. When I was little, I wanted to be a witch for halloween and she spent over 2 weeks working on my custom made costume while she worked third shift as a leader of a production line. Hard work doesn't always make you rich. But it does create a good image, good morals. I was a happy child, I had no idea nor care in the world what anyone thought of me or my family, because we were awesome and could do anything!
My generation has the misfortune of being dubbed "The lazy generation". I cannot deny that sour fact, people my age are lazy, especially compared to our parents and grandparents. But, why are we considered lazy? Dropping out of school, slew of dead end jobs. Why? How much of it is actually our fault? The best we can do is fight against that bad rep. It does not matter how much you think you messed up already, just keep swimming. Look ahead, find a point and charge forward. Easier said than done, but really.
Now, buy me a castle where I can spend my days crafting away. Haha! Back to the main subject!
Is it work when you are taking offers from brands so you might clutter your next video with nonsense, stealing the money and intelligence from the youngens? Is it HARD work staying home waiting for packages of cosmetics and styling tools that cost more than your car? Is it hard work to sit in front of a camera and smile while lying to these poor kids that can't afford the shit your are cramming down their throats? Hmm, I can't say that I really know the answer to that, just my opinion…you suck and you make our generation look so much worse, creating unrealistic "results" and unattainable appearances, keeping the majority dumbed down until they crumble under the stress of your lies. Its bullshit and I hope you wake up one day and realize how hideous you've become.
This generation deserves more than the name we've been given, we need someone with a voice, with ideas, with drive to lead us in a better direction. But, alas, its all about clothes, makeup, rap and expensive cars, fast food and senseless television. Its so sad.

Right now, I am so irritated that I lost my appetite. I keep making phone calls to try to get help for someone and the wrong people keep asking me "Why?! For what?! Tell me!" No! its none of your business, and when I finally tell them, they can't help me! These stupid, ignorant fools always slowing us down! Where you at upstairs?! Don't get all nosey for personal reasons! UGH! If another asshole asks me "Why?!" again, I'm simply going to say "Planning a funeral". It could work for any situation. "I need a doctor that accepts alz patients." Them, "Why?!" Me, "Planning a funeral". Confusion!!! lol. I need a marijuana card. Them, "Why?!" Cuz I am planning a funeral. DONE! Oh, dear lord if they ask me another question after that, I am going to hang up and turn off my phone. Fuck off. I hate these people with a fiery burning ASSHOLE!

Butt Hurt Supreme!

The other day, I got a hair up my ass and got serious about making dreads again. It all started with those crazy long extensions I made that are ghetto and they suck, but anyway. I pulled out a partial set I had started forever ago that included 3 different shades of purple and white. The white kk was still all neatly wrapped up, so I unwrapped it and went to work. My poodle, my baby, my fluffy son, cole ALWAYS lays down on the kk hair…or any project I might be working on for that matter.
After making a mess out of my area, I kinda just left everything strewn around and cole continued to make a bed out of the area. I never think anything of it, because he and I have been playing this game for 5 years now. But, yesterday, he came scooting around the corner of the garage with a dingleberry chasing him. I grabbed a tissue to take care of it, but the dingleberry was attached to a long white kk hair! I tried to slowly and carefully pull on it, but it broke off INSIDE OF HIS BUTT!!! I panicked as I recalled a story a fellow dreadmaker posted on a dread thread. Her cat used to do the same thing that cole does, but it died from ingesting too much of the plastic hair!! The kk had wrapped itself around its tiny intestines, she got so clogged up that it killed her. My dog is 7 years old, I'll be DAMNED if he goes out anytime soon, especially because of my stupid self!!
SO, I'm selling ALL of my kk stock! Every fiber will be packed up and ready to be shipped to the first person who buys it. I'm not doing trades or picky choosey stuff. Whatever colors are there are all going in one swoop. I do, however, have accent kits that just need to be finished, those will go up separately as accent kits. While I'm at it, I want to put other things up on my store. Those steampunk dreads are STILL up for sale on my store, 30 people liked them, no one has even messaged me about them. I know the money is tight, so the prices will be extremely reasonable.
My store:
http://zaneyhair.storenvy.com/
You can contact me through the store. On the left hand side there is a Contact button, just put in your name and email, then ask your question or leave a comment. I'll get back to you as soon as I can :)
If you don't have an account, you can email me here:
zaneyhairhelp@hotmail.com
I love you guys and gals, sorry my posts have been all over the place. Crazy things going on round these parts, NAH MEEEH?!

 

Off Subject: The Truth About Health Blogs

Off topic from my usual norm, I just wasted about 20 minutes reading an article on Weight loss and Muscle gain.
Ok, first of all, I have not wasted any money on nutrition or dietary classes, my opinions stem from personal experience.
This jackass is trying to get his followers to buy his bullshit ebooks on the MOST ignorant statements I have ever read. He starts his first 3 steps talking about workouts and how to avoid muscle loss during fat loss...But, then he starts in on how nutrition doesn't matter! That eating clean or eating dirty does not effect your results! THE FUCK IT DOESN'T!! Excuse me, honey. Where the fuck did you get the nerve to dick your followers around like this?
This guy KNOWS that he has many junk food lovers that would eat those words up! "I strongly encourage you to read my book". What the hell is wrong with you?
I know this isn't a fitness blog, or a nutrition blog, but I can promise you that these people trying to cater to our weaknesses are no good for us! Nutrition has everything to do being healthy, losing weight, gaining muscle. You WILL NEVER get the results you want by eating fucking candy bars and chips or drinking soda! By the way, its not the sugar that hurts us, its the processed crap thats literally killing our bodies, hurting our organs that make and keep us fat! The brains' response to internal damage is to hold on to fat. That includes eating less than necessary calories (1300 or lower a day), chemical filled fast foods, refined and processed food, those kinds of foods hurt our bodies and our brains. It damages the metabolism that NO amount of working out can fix.
I'm not innocent, I have like 8 cups of coffee a day because I love the taste. I'll have an egg or 2 in the morning, canned food in the afternoon. My point is that a lot of us are trying to find a method away from our current whirlwind of mistakes, and we have these assholes trying to make a quick buck off of our desperation. Its bullshit you guys!
Its not fair that these scumbags get the glory that REAL artists deserve! Its not fair that our money gets wasted on empty promises and lies! I'm so sick and disgusted with this world! When will the real heroes rise?
I love you guys and gals so much! Keep it real, don't be fooled by these greedy gremlins.
Be safe, know that I care.

Why I Am Goth

As humans, our brains categorize everything we see. This is extremely important to survival of all standards.
Now that we don't have to survive in the wild as we used to, our brains still function on that level to ensure well being, its just on a different level. That level being social.
I call myself a "Goth" because that tends to be the most popular category I fall in, even in my own brain. Mind you, I hate social gatherings related to topics that I do not fancy. Its more of a chore to go out and stand awkwardly among the general public. I guess you can say that I am a typical goth, at heart. I'll be 23 in march...I've never thrown a party, let alone attended one, thats just me and always has been.

Do you do it for the fashion?

Yes and no. I am absolutely in love with the fashion of traditional goth and victorian. I dress like a bum/bubble goth...a bumbubble goth! I like that. But, when I first noticed "the change", it wasn't very dramatic because I've always worn things out of the norm. I think I was 13 when I dyed my hair black and I kept it black until I was 19 years old. During that period, the black hair and dark, baggy clothing was a warning sign to "Stay away" as Morgue recently stated. I rejected the world as a whole. I hated everyone, especially while I was a sensitive. I say that loosely, mostly due to the fact that most people who are born a sensitive, die a sensitive. I am currently living within my internal walls, not allowing as much outside energy to infect me. I am living in a state of insanity/denial due to my own life choices, I cannot afford to be extremely perceptive. My hair is red, as to mourn the death of my old self, the blood of the old me still lingers only as a memory, nothing more. I wear what makes me feel good, that makes a statement that I care about. The shirt I am wearing right this second says "If you can't be a unicorn, be a mermaid". To me, that means, "If you don't want to conform, then don't, be something else". Too many people in this world want to be unique, but it is so hard to achieve individuality when there is always someone leading a pack. Whether you realize it or not, you are either following or leading. There is no true individuality. We can only try our best to stand apart from the rest, right?

15 years old (note the fashion pictures on the wall, lol)

I thought goths were mopey and depressed/depressing!

And some may be, but we all have it in us to be that "emo kid" crying over spilt milk. Everyone has their moments, and those moments may be extended periods of time, creating a "mopey" image for themselves. But, there are some goths who have more fun than blondes! Goths that are more successful than some preps, happier than a hippies. 

13 years old (trying to look "cute" as a smart ass)

Have you ever been discriminated against for being goth?

As an adult, a few times. As a teen, way too many times!
When I was 14, I started at a new school that had 2 emo kids out of hundreds of "normal" kids or "preps". The female gym teacher stopped me before I entered the locker room and said "Does your mom let you do your hair like that?" I laughed and said "Yeah! She helped me!". The teacher had a disgusted look smear across her face and said "I'd NEVER let my daughter leave the house looking like THAT!" I stared at her for a second, I responded "Thats too bad. Sucks to be her." Then the bullying really got out of hand and I was expelled from that school because a whole band of preps told the principle that I "threatened to bomb the school". Which, of course, was not true in any way shape and form. But, that was my last day there and I waved everyone the bird as I walked out the doors.
I do recall one of the kids that "told on me" was the same ass that asked me on my first day "Are you emuuu?" HAHAA! I said "Its 'emo' and no."
If you are an adult, why do you still consider yourself "goth"?
I love feeling comfortable in my own skin, no one can take that away from me, especially now that I am a grown woman. I still love the style, I still love the message it sends to any outsider. I've said this so many times, but I'd love to say it again. When there is another human being that is confident enough to talk to me while I look the way I do, that person has now opened a door in their mind and in my heart. I automatically develop respect for someone who can outwardly accept me as I am. The reason that I am "Still Goth" is the same it always has been.

Sorry if this was too serious compared to my usual posts, its just been weighing on my mind a bit. There are other things that are much more stressful that have me distracted well beyond the usual, but this helps. A stream of consciousness.
Thank you so much for reading. I want to get some videos going now that my sick is gone. Let me know in the comments what's on your mind. I love hearing from anyone!

I Didn't Give Up, I Just Paused

I'm not sure if anyone remembers my horrid attempt at promoting my patreon page, so I will refresh your memory:

I was so excited about patreon, mainly because I thought that it'd work, even for someone like me...
The video I made for it was fucking terrible!! It took me about 4 months to realize just how bad it actually was. I had to step back and re-evaluate the whole thing, which of course led me to putting it on hold. I don't have enough to offer right now and my lovely people that I love so much are kind of lonely considering the fact that they are low in numbers. I haven't created enough of a community to ever ask anyone of anything. I'm inconsistent and self conscious, those things are not good for any type of creation.

Once again, I am pulling my head out of my ass and getting real. That is a difficult task for me, but I know what my heart tells me, I need a community.
This poor white girl doesn't have much to offer, but I am going to try...

I'm stuck in a whirlwind of self judgment and self loathing...its not depression, its media.
Its something I've struggled with since I was wee girl. Its a disease that needs a cure, a disorder that needs redirecting, I am left to deal with it in private, in silence. 

Here I am, wanting to change, wanting to kill that pest that tells me things that I do not need to hear. That voice that brings me down. Its the link to every bad moment in my past, every time I questioned my decisions and broke promises. Its a reminder of who I can be, the bad in me. I don't want to hear it anymore!
I'm moving on from it.

UNICORNS! See? Already feeling better ;)

So, Tuesday...

I looked like this

Then posted this

And got this, yesterday!!!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This, made my year. Thank you, Morgue! 

Now, The G-man said "Ok? Its a snake"

I said "Thats the point! There are no words!"

He just stared at me, blankly....

lol

It was great.

If anyone is interested in helping out a fellow goth, an amazing woman, Leah Mouse! Here are some links:

Youtube..https://www.youtube.com/user/LeahMouse
Etsy<3 https://www.youtube.com/user/LeahMouse
PATREON--- http://www.patreon.com/LeahMouse 


As always, let me know in the comments what you think!
I love yous!!!!

Morgue, The Freak!

The ultimate Goth! A one man freakshow, a master of oddity. 

 Mr. Morgue

I'm always praying that I might come across a visual muse of some kind while I scroll through instagram, and there he was, Morgue caught my eye. His words kept my attention. 

His appearances are very traditional, but his vibes are familiar.
I was always worried that the man I saw on tv was a scary kid that scared himself, but I was wrong. There is so much more to this man!
He has a youtube channel where I spent a good hour watching a few of his videos, very intriguing!
 

I'm not quite sure yet what his intentions are, but I can tell you that it is not "popularity" he's interested in. He is reaching out to people, his people. He has introduced the twist on life that most of us are too afraid to embrace. He is encouraging those with courage, allowing a path to a community more suited for the like of minds.

He is the epitome of goth, of strange. BE JELLY, 'CAUSE I AM!
I do have a few questions that he may have answered before, personal questions that he may see as irrelevant.
Here are some of his links:
 

IG: http://instagram.com/morgueofficial
FB: https://www.facebook.com/MorgueOfficial
YT: https://www.youtube.com/user/MisterMorgueOfficial

Let me know in the comments whatcha thinkin'!

P.S. Its not a crush, I'm in straight up stalker status JSYK! lol

I'm Back...Miss Me?

Yes, it is true! I am feeling MUCH better today.
I don't think I'm quite 110%, but a very good 85%

NOW! The things I've been avoiding, the topics I dance around. This is a huge step for me, but I do believe that myself and my family have completely decided to move away from this state. You may giggle when I tell you that it may be Arizona we are looking at! My first horror thought was "Hotter? I can't do any hotter than this!"
Honestly, I could deal with any amount of heat if that means a fresh start in a place with better people, regulations, stipulations and PERSONALITY!! The crime rate statistics made my stomach clench, in all reality, its worse in my area of NM. Plus, we plan on living out in the boonies! Its not that I am excited about living out where no one can hear my screams and internet is scarce (lol), it is mainly about the land and opportunities that surround the rural areas. Its a family business we want to start, its a career to build, its a unit wanting to grow, its a life. Oh, and I'll be closer to Cali, which tickles mah fancy! The abundance of aerial studios and artsy fartsy life there compared to here! Just, just yes!

I'm not making sense anymore.

My head has been in whirlwinds for days.

I'm cooking some potato dices because thats all that sounds good..potatoes.

I am hungry.

k bye :)