What's On My To-Do List (WARNING! Negative AF)

I'm constantly encouraged and discouraged to do or not to do anything and everything!
I've expressed my confusion, I've embraced myself since. I do not have a motivator, I do not have a reason to push, I deny punishment for being me.
The first order of business is: Independence.
The shitty thing about living in this country is the illusion of independence. If you have independence, you have nothing else. If you are dependent, you have nothing else.
It is a vicious cycle that we all end up stuck in.
The second thing on the list is: Find happiness.
Number 2 is swallowed by number 1, thus canceling each other out.
How to make a real to do list, now that is the trick.
I don't think about reward, I only focus on consequence. That may seem EXTREMELY negative, but I have to keep my feet on the ground. In all reality, I will not waste my time nor my money on something that someone can take away from me; school. Because, here in America, they aim to punish their people for getting an education. If I am punished for bettering myself by a force larger than me, I will not put myself in a position to be punished by anything else. Whilst I am at the mercy of others, I am not myself. If I am not myself, then I cannot do for anyone what I would do if I were me.
The point of my existence is a sad one. I'm currently considered a piss-ant to society because I am not currently enslaved by big business. The single time that I worked for a large company, I was sexually harassed, yelled at for going to the bathroom, and told that they "expect me to do a job that normally requires a team of 9 people" by myself. The best job I ever had was the one where I worked for myself. I stayed up all night, slept for just a few hours every couple of days, I worked my ass off. I was a dread maker. I made hair pieces for people. I went out of my way for anyone, I only made a few dollars a day to keep the art affordable to my customers. It did not last long, but I loved it. Now, the economy is shit and everyone keeps getting sucked into the ugly truth, the pure neglect and disrespect we receive as we are trapped under the thumb of the poor choices made for us. I'd rather go to a different country, a friendly, loving, supportive country.

Ideal to-do list

1. Get the fuck out of this country
2. Go to school and graduate (debt free)
3. Finally be able to contribute to society (properly)
4. Happiness is achieved
5. Live happily ever after (damn it)

Reality

1. Find minimum wage job (zero benefits)
2. Fight to get on medicaid
3. Get denied medicaid
4. Pay over half my paycheck to medical coverage AFTER 40% taxes are taken (by force)
5. Live under someone struggling just as bad as you
6. Enroll in school
7. Either lose job because of school, or lose school because of job
8. Thousands of dollars in debt (garnished wages)
9. In my 30's, can't afford to help myself, let alone a child
10. Die early

Yay, 'MERICA

FUCK!