Moving

I feel like I forgot how to write.

No groove, no flow.

How frustrating.

Earlier, I was scrolling through Tumblr, passing beautiful images of Autumn in many different places, different years. They always give me butterflies! The oranges, reds, and yellows whisper "home" to me.

Living in the desert of all deserts for 2 years, and before that, mostly desert for 4 years, I have not had the pleasure of experiencing a true Autumn since 2010! 

Knowing that my future husband and myself will be relocating by the end of October of this year, I can't help but cross my fingers for a place that does Autumn well. Like, I wanna get there and immediately be presented with a pumpkin, while the locals toss fallen leaves around me, then hand me a fresh apple pie made with the apples from the local orchard. I want to move into my new house and immediately hang my Halloween decorations. Legit Fall shit!

My hopes are way too high, I know. But, a girl can dream, I guess.

To be completely honest, I am terrified. My future is completely out of my control, and that scares me to my core. But, something has got change. I can't stay in this forever. This whole situation will not always be, and things will change, I have to be prepared to help. I have to better myself, being here and content is getting me absolutely no where. I think staying scares me much more than leaving does.

I will be better than ok, I have to be.

The Beauty Of Change

Let's get really personal right now. The G-man and I have been together for 4 1/2 years, 4 of those years I have discouraged him from pursuing his dream of becoming a U.S. soldier. When we met, still in the friend stage, I discouraged him from joining. Once we started dating, he would bring up joining the military and I would shake my head and say "Nope, I am not a fucking army wife. I will never be an army wife. No."
Welp, it took 4 years, a lot of hardship, a ton of maturing. We have been back and forth to the recruiters office for the past few weeks...
I encouraged him to do so. I told him "You need to just go for what you want most. I am not going to get in your way, in fact I want to help."
So, here we are, 3 days after he took the ASVAB, and scored very well. We have started and maintained a work out regimen, we even bought matching fitbits! We are doing this, for real.

I have cried, watched him sleep with tears in my eyes, I've gotten angry about it without showing it. I went through a lot of emotions and perception shifts in the past couple of months. Thankfully, it has calmed to a low roar. I feel like I can breathe again. I am scared.
But, the change has been so fucking refreshing! I have not seen this man so driven, he pops up in the morning with purpose. Usually, he would sleep for 12+ hours and play video games all through the night, avoiding all social interactions and responsibility. He is a new man already and I am so proud!

Now, what the hell am I going to do while he is in basic for many months? I have no idea.
I am still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that we are getting married (courthouse only), that I am going to be without him for so long. My family is a huge support, always! If we didn't have them, we would be absolutely miserable. I don't know what else to say, or how to say more, so that's all for now.

Thank you for reading.