Honest Questions

Would you call me a sell out if I was affiliated with a specific brand or brands? I honestly want to know! I talked a while back about how pissed I got when my favorite youtubers were throwing advertisements in the middle of their videos, even their personal vlogs would be something like:
"Oh my gosh, last night when I was trying to sleep this song popped in my head...ONLY BUY YOUR MAKEUP FROM DIANNA'S FACERY! diannasfacery.ME.sellout.com."

I told you guys that I'd never do that to my followers...
I said that I'd only tell you guys about things I liked.
But, if I was affiliated with said brand, but I legit loved this stuff, would I still be a sell out?

I love sooo many things and want to share everything with everyone CUZ LUURRVV YEWW! But I want it to be meaningful and come from the heart, not for my bills.

Obviously I don't make any money on anything I do here or there! I'm so broke, I spend a whole $12 on makeup...and now I'm broke LOL

And, Its not that I want to be "affiliated" with anyone, I just want to do more and have more interaction with people. I'm such a homebody, some online buds would be nice, ya know? Swap ideas, share stuff, collab and get more followers to join our cult...GROUP, I meant group ;)

I solemnly swear to be way more super active on the internetz if YALL WOULD BE MAH FRAANS!!!

Or maybe I'm just not cool..  :(  can you feel the guilt trip? yas, yew caaan.

Ok, I'm done. Oh, and I got super embarrassed of some old OLD videos I found on my other yt channel, and the only comment on the specific video was "what the hell?!" LMFAO!

K, love ya, talk to me, bye

 

So, Trader Joe's and Hemp

Hehe, I finally made a trip to trader joe's! Mind you, the closest one is about 25 miles away from me...We made it though.

First impression: This is gonna be great!
Second impression: Wow its busy!
Then suddenly, everyone driving in to trader joe's had lost their sense of manners. Inside of the store was much smaller than we expected and much more packed than we assumed. The customers were very rude, the workers were very pleasant. The selection and prices were phenomenal! But, daamn, those people in there were sooo ridiculous and mean! I ended up spending $50 on a ton of healthy snacks and brown rice breads. I will say, I'm not going out of my way for that place again! My closest health food place is so over priced, but its not as far, I literally have to choose between spending the gas and patience for joe's or the extra 2-3 bucks on each item at sprouts. Life shucks!

Rice Bread Review:
I followed Brenda's advice and put the brown rice bread in the microwave for about 20 seconds, it softens right up and can even be toasted while maintaining a good texture. I'm pleasantly impressed.

Brown Rice Tortillas:
I wanted to make a healthy pizza with the wraps, but...by the time I got everything out (only 2 days after purchase) ALL the brown rice tortillas were moldy! Even the unopened package! That was a huge bummer.

The rest of my purchases were ok, but none were a good reason to go all the way back there.

Now, I have to talk about Hemp Protein!
Its AMAZING! I tried it this morning with an open mind and for the first time in my life, I finally ingested a protein powder that did not upset my stomach AT ALL! In fact, this stuff made me feel a million times better! Miracle powder!
It was pricey, but worth it. Hemp70 in chocolate at $22 for a about 20ish servings. I'd do it all over again, I have found my main squeeze :) Bestest food friend EVER!

Thank You for reading, let me know in the comments what kind of protein you like!

Another Nutrtion Post

Ah, Brenda. I need to finish reading her book (Lean Secrets). I binged on her videos today, she is so fun and informative!

 

The one thing she emphasized on was Coconut Nectar, low on the glycemic index and packed with nutrients. I bought both blonde and amber versions at almost $8 a bottle! Not to mention, I've been CRAVING coconut everything! She also encouraged Hemp protein powder, of course I bought some, mainly because I keep hearing all these amazing things about it! High in iron, omega 3,6, and 9! I'm sooo excited to try it!

 

I've noticed lately that, despite my efforts when it comes to eating healthy, I keep choosing high fat foods. I keep losing my appetite until I'm weak and dizzy, when I force myself to eat, its straight to breaded shrimp and cocktail sauce, or fatty crackers...I even go as far as ordering chili's French fries and their ranch (COMFORT FOOD TO THE MAX). I've been so bad, even when I'm trying my hardest! I'm hoping my new healthy purchases will help me get back on track.

 

My personal experience fueled words of wisdom for today: Do not underestimate green tea! Its too magical to be left behind the peanut butter in the pantry! It gave me the boost I needed today, its such a warm energy burst!

 

Another side note, my sciatic nerve is FREAKING KILLING ME!! I went on a lovely walk a few days ago, I was in a great mood...until all hell broke loose and a certain someone threw themselves, forcing me to react by throwing my back out in order to catch them. Yup, Its been quite an interesting week.

 

As far as my craft life, I am going to be filming a diy here soon. A few diy's, hopefully. If you haven't subscribed to my channel yet, Please do!! There is a variety of videos there, lol!

 

Keep an eye out for cool stuff and thank you for reading!

Oh Happy Daze

YAY! I'm typing to you from my new tiny laptop!! This is exactly what I needed!!

I've been in this strange fog. It started Monday night, I was nauseous and dizzy. Last night I played Alice Madness Returns and the dizziness got even worse! I found out this morning that we had a severe solar storm. It only makes sense that there is a huge correlation...or not? My boyfriend seems to think that the solar storm couldn't possibly effect the human population, just electronics. Hmm, ya know, I'm not sure that's entirely true?

I have been tripping around like I'm drunk and its kind of hilarious! The only thing that helps the dizziness is focusing on one stationary object. Luckily, I was gifted this little beautiful BEEBEEEE!

This has been a great day all around and I'm so happy
;)

Thank you Grandpa!

If You Have It, What Do You Do With It?

The one thing that I want more than anything requires many things that I don't have.

I found what I've been looking for, Holistic Nutritionist! Yes! I finally found it! Its exactly what I need, career and life wise. I couldn't be more excited…

Until I realized that I not only need $4,000 for the certification, I also need a laptop (that works) because my computer I'm typing on now is a huge dinosaur! Its my lovely babydoll booboo kisses and I love this thing with my whole heart, but I can't spend $4,000 on a certification to be stuck in the livingroom with the chaos and uncertainty if my computer will work with me everyday! Ok, so I need about $6,000+ to ensure success…ouch!

Fine, so, lets say I do this. I get the laptop, purchase the self-paced course and complete it with zero hiccups, I am now a real holistic nutritionist…Now what? What do I do with it once I have it? In my mind, its all butterflies and rainbows, I'm going to go out there and coach someone and help people. But, honestly, I have no clue how to do those things! Even if all the info was provided in the course, I am not positive that I'll be successful in the real world. Well, good thing I got that new laptop, huh!

This is me fearing the lion outside. This is why I don't have my license. I'm silly, letting all these stupid fears get in my way…like this!!! "Well, even if I get the laptop and the certification, how the hell am I going to pay off that debt I now owe?!! I can't do this! Put myself in debt right from the start! What was I thinking, I can't do this."

STOP! Just stop, right now! I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of letting everything get to me. I honestly don't give a damn if I get the certification and do nothing with it, its still an accomplishment! I need more of those!

Dear Freelee, Its About To Get REAL!

I know this is a HUGE issue, but I'm glad someone is saying something!

As you may or may not know, I love nutrition! I've been following Freelee for over a year. I tried going vegan for 2 weeks and MY DAAMN that whole thing did not go well at all! But, I stayed subscribed because I used to like freelee before she got really bad about that Holier-than-thou mentality. Okay, so she's pretty much been that way since she started making videos…Ok, no one really likes freelee…she's a mean girl and we all see her as Regina.

I have to say, being a fly on the wall during the war of the Nutrition Worlds has been fun! I love all the different views and arguments. But, when freelee gets going on the aesthetic ball kicking, I get pretty heated!

(side note) I wanted to make a video about this, So lets start here.

Freelee, I could quote you all day, babe! You are the queen V, ok?! I love your positive messages about the vegan lifestyle, I love when you talk about your past struggles. You can be so cool…
Ooh, girl! When you and Harley were talkin' shit about Cassey Ho being CHUBBY, I came up off my seat!! Shrink that head of yours down to reality! You used to be chubby, YOU know what its like when someone brings you down (especially when its uncalled for! Cassey is NOT chubby). So, why the low blow?! The childish comments from Harley are completely unnecessary, but I expect that from him, not you! When you pull that crap, you make my stomach clench! You say you like someone, then turn around and bash on them just because they don't do exactly what you do…"Oh my god! I love your skirt! Where did you get it?…That skirt was disgusting!" 


As for the Kayla thing, I'm glad someone is standing up for themselves against you and Harley. You two can be so toxic! You wanna preach on your soapbox and point fingers, haven't you figured it out yet? That shit does not work! I didn't go vegan for 2 weeks because you were yelling and screaming and stomping your damn feet, I tried it because you were smiling and happy! There for a little while, it was about saving the animals and the planet, but now all you two focus on is PHYSICAL APPEARANCE and BULLYING! What the hell is going on? What fried your brain? From what I see, I would never want to be a vegan! You talk about "You can look this good too!". Does the nasty attitude come with it? I don't want it!

I love you, Freelee. The fear in your voice is almost devastating. I don't wish anything bad on you, I hope kayla backs off before things get too insane. But, I do hope this sheds a little light on self-reflection. I hope you can see where I am coming from and I hope you come back to us with a smile.

I think we all just need to hug this out, know what I'm sayin'?

Keeping Track

I'm writing this post for future reference.

This morning, like every morning, I waited too long to eat. Why?

1. kitchen is disgustingly messy
2. grandma goes out there whenever anyone else does
3. not sure what to eat due to lack of organized food areas
4. can't think straight to even say much more

I can't eat fruit in the morning, it upsets my stomach every time. If you know me, you'll know that I can't have any dairy or red meats, so…limited options are also an issue. I can't have mushrooms either. As much as I love mushrooms and bell peppers, they tear my stomach apart and ruin my whole day. 

As an IBS sufferer, I've tried so many things. I've tried a 2 week vegan diet, it was so expensive that I ran out of food money in the first week. I stay away from dairy, but on occasion, I'll indulge in something containing dairy and not even realize it until the damage is already done. I can't eat nuts because of my stomach issues. So, on a daily basis I can not eat:

• dairy
• red meat
• too much fruit, including some veggies like tomatoes
• bell peppers
• mushrooms
• nuts
• pre-packaged oatmeal
• white breads

The things I can eat:

• eggs/egg whites
• whole grains
• homemade oatmeal
• white meats (limited)
• rice milk as a dairy substitute 
• rice
• veggies (limited)

Bland diet is something that I've had a hard time dealing with for the last 2 years. But, I have noticed that it is worse than ever, now. For a year, I've been more in the dumps than ever in every aspect. Grandma is worse and harder to deal with, my diet is trash, metabolism is shot, weight gain activated. 

shit diet+major stress+little to no physical activity+depression+broken sleep+stomach medicine=15+ lbs of weight gain, acne, brittle hair/hair loss(not super severe, but still an issue), more stomach issues such as constipation/diarrhea/loss of appetite, physical bone deterioration (proven via my teeth), fatigue and even deeper depression. 

I need a life coach. Or I need to become a life coach. Something has got to give, damn it.

I Can't Follow

Nothing has been able to inspire me. No one has kept my attention. Real life seems bleak and forced when I have nothing to focus on.

Feeling like a waste of space, wasted potential. It could be a number of things keeping me in this mindset, yet, I used to tell myself "Mind over matter", and that could've been a meal 3 times a day for me. I could feed off any simple inspiration before reality planted its anchors in me.

Now, thinking that I have it all figured out, life sucks, really gets me no where. This pissy mindset has only cause me grief. I keep choking back tears of self pity, mourning my sweet blissful denial that died quite a while ago.

Everything seemed to happen so fast, but it actually stole a lot of time from me. I let it take too much, and continue to let it. Thats my fault. I always want someone else to come fix my problems, I want answers to my questions.

Could a move really change everything? Could it only make things worse? Would anything really change? Or, will I wake up one day, years from now and realize that my life is long gone and I did nothing with it?

I feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis at 23. I feel like I've already cleared my peak, now I'm just rolling down hill toward death. He just stands there, waiting for me while I feel like I'm falling fast. What should I have been doing? What could I have accomplished if I could've just pulled my head out of my ass? Where did I fuck up? What can I do differently? I ask myself these questions every day like someone is waiting for the answer, I'll pick my own brain apart trying to find something buried. I always hope that there will be something that hits me, the fire in my belly sparks back to life, allowing me to spit fire whenever I wanted. You can watch in my eyes as I leave this place to rummage through my own mind. Checked out. The vicious cycle, now I've wasted all this time looking for something that isn't there, I've realized how much time is gone and do it all over again.

Give me something, anything but religion. I'm a witch, damnit!! Yet, I can't shake on out of this death grip. Give me fuel, something to go on. Somewhere to go and something to do.