I Can't Follow

Nothing has been able to inspire me. No one has kept my attention. Real life seems bleak and forced when I have nothing to focus on.

Feeling like a waste of space, wasted potential. It could be a number of things keeping me in this mindset, yet, I used to tell myself "Mind over matter", and that could've been a meal 3 times a day for me. I could feed off any simple inspiration before reality planted its anchors in me.

Now, thinking that I have it all figured out, life sucks, really gets me no where. This pissy mindset has only cause me grief. I keep choking back tears of self pity, mourning my sweet blissful denial that died quite a while ago.

Everything seemed to happen so fast, but it actually stole a lot of time from me. I let it take too much, and continue to let it. Thats my fault. I always want someone else to come fix my problems, I want answers to my questions.

Could a move really change everything? Could it only make things worse? Would anything really change? Or, will I wake up one day, years from now and realize that my life is long gone and I did nothing with it?

I feel like I'm going through a mid-life crisis at 23. I feel like I've already cleared my peak, now I'm just rolling down hill toward death. He just stands there, waiting for me while I feel like I'm falling fast. What should I have been doing? What could I have accomplished if I could've just pulled my head out of my ass? Where did I fuck up? What can I do differently? I ask myself these questions every day like someone is waiting for the answer, I'll pick my own brain apart trying to find something buried. I always hope that there will be something that hits me, the fire in my belly sparks back to life, allowing me to spit fire whenever I wanted. You can watch in my eyes as I leave this place to rummage through my own mind. Checked out. The vicious cycle, now I've wasted all this time looking for something that isn't there, I've realized how much time is gone and do it all over again.

Give me something, anything but religion. I'm a witch, damnit!! Yet, I can't shake on out of this death grip. Give me fuel, something to go on. Somewhere to go and something to do.